Pursuant to R.S. McCain’s faildoxing of us as a woman named Melissa Brewer yesterday, and cognizant of how much attention he and his friends pay to everything said here, we should like to offer them some helpful data points in understanding the identity of Xenophon Gryllus. Hopefully, these will aid them in avoiding any further such embarrassments.

    • Xenophon was born to the equestrian class in Athens, Greece
    • Married, retired military, now works in the education field
    • He spent some time in Sparta, and his book about the city is an important source for researchers
    • He has written several other books, some of which are still in print and one which inspired a famous movie
    • He knew Socrates and was schooled in his method
    • He may have heard Herodotus lecture on history, and certainly read his work
    • He was close friends with Thucydides and finished his history of the Peloponnesian Wars
    • While he usually leads on horseback, Xenophon is not afraid to lead the infantry on foot.

      They set out from the low ground with all the haste imaginable. But the enemy in position on the crest no sooner perceived their advance upon the summit of the pass than they themselves set off full tilt in a rival race for the summit too. Hoarse were the shouts of the Hellenic troops as the men cheered their companions forwards, and hoarse the answering shouts from the troops of Tissaphernes, urging on theirs. Xenophon, mounted on his charger, rode beside his men, and roused their ardour the while. “Now for it, brave sirs; bethink you that this race is for Hellas!—now or never!—to find your boys, your wives; one small effort, and the rest of the march we shall pursue in peace, without ever a blow to strike; now for it.” But Soteridas the Sicyonian said: “We are not on equal terms, Xenophon; you are mounted on a horse; I can hardly get along with my shield to carry;” and he, on hearing the reproach, leapt from his horse. In another instant he had pushed Soteridas from the ranks, snatched from him his shield, and begun marching as quickly as he might under the circumstances, having his horseman’s cuirass to carry as well, so that he was sore pressed; but he continued to cheer on the troops: exhorting those in front to lead on and the men toiling behind to follow up. Soteridas was not spared by the rest of the men. They gave him blows, they pelted him, they showered him with abuse, till they compelled him to take back his shield and march on; and the other, remounting, led them on horseback as long as the footing held; but when the ground became too steep, he left his horse and pressed forward on foot, and so they found themselves on the summit before the enemy.

    • He is the original “horse whisperer” who trained the animals through behavioral psychology rather than abuse
    • Aristophanes is still his favorite comedian, with Lenny Bruce a close second
    • He enjoys long walks on the beach, sub sandwiches, and films from the silent era

We confess that we still do not understand how R.S. McCain proposes to use this information to defend himself from Brett Kimberlin’s defamation suit, but we are eager to see him make the attempt, because LULZ. And we should like to see him and his nutty friends stop harassing Ms. Brewer, who has already seen quite enough death threats from anti-abortion crazies for one social media lifetime, thank you very much. The constant tweeting of her old addresses, especially that of a shelter for battered women at which she briefly stayed some years ago, has already earned the attention of DC police. We strongly suggest that R.S. McCain find someone else to pester.

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