In our favorite comedy of all time, Aristophanes lampooned the legal culture of Athens, which had become a nest of angry wasps constantly litigating their grudges and petty grievances. Twenty four centuries before anyone ever heard of Aaron Walker, Aristophanes succinctly described his personality in the character of Philocleon.

If his own rooster woke him up too late before dinner, our master would accuse him of taking bribes from the magistrates. The moment the evening meal is finished, he shouts for his shoes to be brought to him, then he runs off to the courthouse very early. And being too early, he stands stuck by a post like a barnacle until the time comes for him to do his judging.

When it is time for him to show the extent of the guilt of all the accused, the nasty bugger draws this huge line across the wax tablet so that his fingernails are thick with wax, and he looks like a bumblebee. He is so frightened to run out of voting shells that he’s had the whole beach delivered to his house here. That’s how crazy our master is, and the more people try to reason with him the worse he gets and the more cases he wants to judge.

Reading Aaron Walker’s blog, we can almost see him salivating as he fantasizes about his legal vengeance on Brett Kimberlin. Aaron Walker is a buzzing wasp. His stinger is engorged with juicy poison and he just wants to sting someone so badly!

As I say in my motion, Brett has committed a fraud upon the court, claiming to have served people he had not, and then taking advantage of their lack of response.  He not only robbed me of the opportunity to be heard on this question, he also robbed the judge of the benefit of my analysis.  After all, the adversarial process is not there just for the fun of arguing but to aid the judge in reaching the right conclusion.  If I was a judge I would be very angry at Kimberlin right about now.  But we will see if Judge Grimm is as angry as I would have been in his shoes.

Mr. Walker is upset that the judge has been denied “the benefit” of his insane analysis, so he projects his anger on the judge who has rejected it. Walker wants to help his Honor “reach the right conclusion,” by which he means his own conclusion, because that is the only outcome acceptable to Walker. He rationalizes the judge’s denial of his motion as a “dishonest victory” by Kimberlin rather than a rejection of his own dishonest efforts to prejudice the court. But this new legal quibble, the one about process service, is a product of Walker’s own absurd and deluded behavior.

You see, it is normal legal practice for process service to take place by email first, followed by document delivery in hard copy. But Mr. Walker has told Mr. Kimberlin not to do this. It seems that Mr. Walker is scared to death of Neal Rauhauser, who he incorrectly believes is a “close associate” of Mr. Kimberlin and will somehow infect his computer from Kimberlin’s email address. (If that sounds paranoid, just remember that Mr. Walker has his wife check under their car every day for bombs.) So whereas Kimberlin’s motions are received immediately by all the other defendants in Kimberlin v Walker, et al, there is a lag for Walker, and he uses that differential to claim the documents are late or missing — that “people” (meaning himself) “have not been served” (meaning that he pretends not to have received motions in a timely fashion). And of course, this is somehow all Kimberlin’s fault, and somehow also Rauhauser’s fault, which in turn justifies Walker’s craving to sting them. Why else would Walker try to suborn perjury from Kimberlin’s estranged wife? Why else would he tweet his blog post about Kimberlin at Rauhauser’s ex-wife?

But the nastiest wasps are the ones who read Walker’s blog and buzz about stinging Kimberlin to death. This is one scary hive, and they are of one mind.

They are Aaron Walker’s chorus. As Aristophanes would have them say,

If anyone wants to check our shape, size, manners and looks he’ll find that we’re in all respects very similar to wasps. To begin with, when we’re angered, there’s no creature with a temper more cutting or more crabby than ours. And then we behave like wasps in many other ways: we gather in swarms as if in hives and some of us do the judging at the Archon’s Court, others at the Court of the Eleven and others still in Pericles’ old haunt, the Court of Odeum. There we gather as a tightly knit swarm up against the walls, bending over the ground like larvae in their cells, barely moving. As to how we make our living, we can come up with many schemes: we sting everyone with a bitter sting and out pops our loaf of bread.

Behold, the perennial wisdom of the ancients.

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