A noxious new fad, “rolling coal” requires a diesel pickup owner to circumvent their vehicle’s built-in emission controls. The Daily Caller’s Emma Colton is one of a growing number of bloggers on the right to approve of “rolling coal” because it annoys liberals, environmentalists, and people who like to breathe clean air.

Install a smoke switch and start rolling coal like a pro. A smoke switch is the key to fooling your engine into thinking it needs more fuel, which lets out the excessive amount of diesel needed to belch clouds of black smoke. Smoke switches can be built, and sometimes bought, for most types of diesel engine. If you’re the proud owner of a Cummins or PowerStrokes engine, the switches are easier to install and use, according to Diesel Hub. Duramax switches, on the other hand, are more difficult to build. Installing a smoke switch is the cheapest way to roll coal, because it requires a lot of at-home building and installation, but it’s not necessarily the safest way.

In the name of free speech, we let people put all sorts offensive messages on their vehicles: sexual objectification, body shaming, “liberal hunting permits,” and so forth. Pickups can also be modified with extra-loud pipes, garish paint, giant tires, and raised suspensions without breaking the law. But as TPM reports, the most critical part of the “rolling coal” process is actually quite illegal:

Purchia pointed to two paragraphs on the air enforcement page of the EPA’s website. One paragraph said:

It is a violation of the [Clean Air Act] to manufacture, sell, or install a part for a motor vehicle that bypasses, defeats, or renders inoperative any emission control device. For example, computer software that alters diesel fuel injection timing is a defeat device. Defeat devices, which are often sold to enhance engine performance, work by disabling a vehicle’s emission controls, causing air pollution. As a result of EPA enforcement, some of the largest manufacturers of defeat devices have agreed to pay penalties and stop the sale of defeat devices.

The other paragraph said:

The CAA prohibits anyone from tampering with an emission control device on a motor vehicle by removing it or making it inoperable prior to or after the sale or delivery to the buyer. A vehicle’s emission control system is designed to limit emissions of harmful pollutants from vehicles or engines. EPA works with manufacturers to ensure that they design their components with tamper-proofing, addresses trade groups to educate mechanics about the importance of maintaining the emission control systems, and prosecutes cases where significant or imminent harm is occurring.

Of course, this won’t stop a single enthusiast from trying to make their point — which, as far as I can tell, is that they want to die of cancer and heart disease, preferably while dragging the rest of us right to hell with them. As a political statement, it seems counterproductive. Here, then, are five less-criminal ways that rednecks with small penises conservative Americans can express their passive-aggressive hatred for the liberal establishment while still deleting themselves from the gene pool:

  1. Wear an asbestos mask.  Seriously, what could be more liberal than lawsuits over mesothelioma? Every good conservative should be breathing through pure asbestos fiber at all times to express their solidarity with those poor corporations that have been forced to pay huge settlements to moochers and leeches just because they complained about their silly lung cancer
  2. Work in a coal mine. No capitalist is more hated by liberals than the coal baron. Not only are coal-burning electric plants responsible for the lion’s share of carbon dioxide produced by the energy industry, the coal mining industry does such a great job of ignoring liberal workplace-safety laws that employees regularly get crushed to death on the job
  3. Drink Agent Orange. No war drives liberals crazier than Vietnam, so why not imbibe the very herbicide that’s synonymous with the widespread birth defects and cancers still being suffered by the people sprayed with it and the airmen who handled it?
  4. Fondle radioactive material. Liberals hate nuclear power and nuclear weapons because they’re afraid of radiation. Conservatives can make liberals run away screaming just by holding, smelling, and tasting highly-radioactive elements in front of them while saying “yum! Who wants some delicious Cesium?”
  5. Slam loaded shotguns to the floor. Guns drive liberals crazy, so conservatives can take a cue from the unnamed 51 year-old Michigan woman who “made her point” during a family dispute yesterday by shooting herself in the face