Remember that big fight the Palins got into back in September when they crashed someone else’s birthday party? There will be no charges, but the police report is out now — and it’s a glorious record of the amazing, privileged behavior of Alaska’s former First Family. Start with Bristol’s self-serving account of her confrontation with homeowner and birthday celebrant Korey Klingenmeyer:

She stated she didn’t know who Corey (sic) was and then said that Korey had drug her across the lawn by her legs and was calling her a cunt and a slut. She said the guy with the red shirt was dragging her. When asked how it started, she said that her little sister told her that a girl had hit her so she walked up and asked what 40 year old was pushing her sister and that’s when some guy walked up and pushes her on the ground. And starts dragging her on the lawn and calling her names. She says that she walks out into the cul dr sac (sic) and they took her sandals and sunglasses. She says she then saw Track getting attacked so she tried to help him out. She said she didn’t know what else happened and didn’t have a clue whether she hit him or not.

Compare Bristol’s odd, dreamlike narrative to Klingenmeyer’s detailed, coherent statement:

He appeared to be mildly intoxicated. He was angry that the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems…(H)e was told that there was a fight in the cul de sac in front of his house, and he told everyone not to get involved and he stayed out back of the house in the party. Several minutes later Bristol and he believes Willow Palin came around the back of the house. Bristol then came up and said she was going to beat that girl’s ass. Korey told her that he wasn’t going to have any of that here and told her to go home. The then asked “who the fuck are you?” And he told her he was the one who owns this house and there’s no fighting going on here. She then told him that he doesn’t own this place and that she will kick his ass. He says then that she hits him in the face. He says he then tells her to hit him again if it makes her feel better and she does. He says he lets her hit him 5-8 times in the face and that she was hitting pretty hard. After about the sixth punch he grabbed her fist as she punched again and and he pushed back and she falls down. He says she gets up and tries to punch him again and he pushed back and she falls down. He says she gets up and tries to punch him again and he grabs her fist again and pushes her away and she falls down again. As that time 3-4 guys come up the driveway and one was yelling that they were going to beat his ass for beating his sister. At that time he said several guys from the party stepped in to help him and a fight broke out and the Palins ended up losing. He said after it was over that Bristol came up and tried to hit him again but he didn’t let her.

All the other witnesses at the party confirm Klingenmeyer’s version of events:

I interviewed these three people and their stories were the same one as Klingemeyer’s, that Bristol had come up to Korey very angry, wanted to assault one of the guests and when Korey stopped her and told her to leave she threatened to hit him and he told her to go ahead and she hit him in the face with her fist several times until he stopped her and pushed her back. That is when she went to the ground.

[…] Eric (Thompson) said Bristol and her sister come up to the home owner in the back yard. He was asking her not to do anything there because it was a birthday party and she punched him in the face 6 times. He was telling her to leave and trying to walk her out of the yeard and she kept hitting him in the face the whole time. Eric said he never hit her back and was very civil with her the whole time.

[…] Brian (McGee) said that he was in the back yard when Bristol came over. He said she walked up to the other guy outside and she was yelling at him. She hit him in the face and he asked her if that made her feel good. The the man started telling Bristol to get off his property. She hit him about 5 or 6 times and he tried to block a few of the punches.

You can read the entire police report below. The brawl seems to have begun when Track Palin, a rather simple-minded boy who takes after his belligerent mother, started an altercation in front of the house. According to one witness, Track even tried to pick a fight with his own father. This chaos of runaway egos ended when the police were called, however, because the report suggests that the Palins were hurriedly trying to hide Track in their rented stretch limousine when officers arrived.

Bristol’s aggression greatly escalated an already-violent situation, and then the entire family seems to have retreated into defensive denialism. Just think: this bunch was very nearly a heartbeat away from the White House.

Palin Brawl Police Report

  • the DQ

    Excellent, Breitbart. Glad to see the lightblub has finally come on over here.

    • Diz

      The lightbulbs will never come on at ‘that’ site. They are not actually blind over there but they absolutely, positively refuse to see or say the truth. Besides there’s more money in pandering to the rest of the willfully ignorant and angry uninformed.

      This is the ‘unmasked’ version of BB, where the lights are always on and doing its best to shine a light on reich-wing shenanigans..

      • the DQ

        Ooops, my bad. They fooled me. TY, Diz.

        • Hang around, you may learn something new about the Breitbart world.

          http://www.breitbartunmasked.com/2014/09/11/why-its-no-surprise-the-irs-is-auditing-breitbart-news/

          • Pedro

            It’s got nothing to do with the proven track record of the IRS being used as a weapon against groups that don’t agree with our current “President” . . . yeah, right.

          • Stay on topic, please.

          • Pedro

            I did, you don’t like where the facts lead so you dismiss it. Sal A. You ‘n Killery love it.

          • Mrs

            PLEASE……the IRS has tracked SEVERAL groups NAACP, SLCS, NAN and the leaders of these groups as well and nobody said a thing about that, but as soon as they look at these tea party groups its an issue GTFOH!

          • Pedro

            90% of the audits were against Conservative groups under orders from higher ups. Where did all those emails go? Nice try but you failed, back to the dunce corner for you.

  • Pat

    Shame on the Palins. ‘Heavily Intoxicated’ Bristol described herself as being “dragged by her legs”……she must have been having a Dancing with the Stars Flashback.

    • Pedro

      Shame on the Kennedy’s . . . . Chappaquiddick mean much? How bout a set of 9 irons to take care of the war on women.

  • honestyingov

    Matt, Some media(like Huffpo’s) like to quote Bristol as saying ” she attended a birthday party ”
    Later in Huffpo’s story but they quote Bristol as saying She does NOT KNOW who Cory was/is?
    How is it that you attend a Birthday Party and don’t even know the HOST??

    There is a name for that ” Party Crasher “. Todd and Sarah were invited. The rest of the Palin Klan Kids were NOT invited.
    WHY do these media gloss over or omit this Fact? It’s relevant TO the story. They were not invited and didn’t belong there.

    • Arcturus

      I’m sure the Palins just head to where the free booze is.

  • Pedro

    No content or real substance . . . Just attack. Keep trying.

    • Yeah, no substance EXCEPT FOR A POLICE REPORT.

      • Pedro

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chappaquiddick_incident Yep, very close, minus the murder and cover up. How about that police report?

        • Arcturus

          How can you look at yourself in the mirror when you fail at defending such morons as the Palins? It is so plain what she is. Get enlightened.

          • Pedro

            You mean like defending a serial rapist (Billy boy Clinton) or the Kennedy’s? Enlightenment is not a strong point among the progressive left. Keep trying my short bus friend.

          • It’s telling that you immediately try to deflect this story by posting long-debunked right wing attacks on a person who isn’t named in this article.

          • Pedro

            It’s telling that you continue to attack people who aren’t even in office as to drive traffic to a website. The Kennedy’s have been debunked? I didn’t know that. Maybe we should ask Mary Jo Kopechne?

          • Traffic Driver

            OK Pedro, if you don’t like it there are thousands of other websites you can visit instead. Of course they also drive traffic to their websites using the same methods, so maybe you will just have to either get used to it or stop reading websites on the internet. You act as if driving traffic to a website concerning whatever the author wishes to write is some kind of sin or something. I would suggest you read the NYT or Gawker or any other of the thousands of websites out there that write stories to drive traffic to their websites.

            Get a clue Pedro, news sites deliver stories to their readers for traffic to their websites. Nothing new in that, or did you just parachute into the internet yesterday?

          • Pedro

            Well, I was trying to be the 10th person to read this site . . . Just trying to help. “News” sites also post “news” vs TMZ type reporting, just FYI.

          • Pedro’s Nemisis

            Well you can quickly be the 10th person banned from commenting here too 🙂 Just an FYI. If you don’t like it, please head elsewhere.

          • Pedro

            Dissenting opinions are often banned. I may have misunderstood the purpose of discussion.

          • Obviosly Pedro this comment section is a totally appropriate place for you to get on your Soapbox and start your own blog. That’s why you’re here, correct?

          • Pedro

            Who’s on the soapbox?

          • Well, you certainly seem to be single-minded in your guarding of this article. It’s as if this article and its topic is one of the most important for you in the world.

            I thought maybe if you felt so strongly, you’d think blogging about it would be a better use of your time. You could have written a 500 word post by now 🙂

          • Pedro

            I certainly would not be outspoken by “Her Majesty”

          • Pedro’s Nemisis

            I don’t think disparaging comments about this site or the traffic here is a welcome thing which is why I commented that way Pedro. Certainly your comments are welcome, endorsed probably not lol, but welcome just the same. Dissent is always welcome when its about the subject matter. When it veers off into this site sucks yada yada yada, then I think its not about the story or OG topic, rather it then becomes talking noise about the site you put your time into commenting on in general. If it wasn’t a great site for you then why are you here is the question?

    • Carol Smith

      So police reports don’t count in your world….

      • Pedro

        They do, some involve murder and cover ups . . . http://www.newsweek.com/ted-kennedy-car-accident-chappaquiddick-207070

        • Carol Smith

          I am referring to the Anchorage police report on the Palins.

          • Pedro

            I was referring to much more serious crimes, not the TMZ stuff this site (and you) apparently care about.

          • Carol Smith

            This article is not about other crimes. It is about the Palin brawl, drunkenness and assault.

          • Pedro

            And the article I referenced is also about drunkenness/assault/murder/etc and a cover up. The key difference is that one family is Democrat and the other is Republican. The Kennedy’s and the Clinton’s get passes for everything (rape, murder, etc.).

          • Carol Smith

            You are off topic. Give it up.

          • Pedro

            You are right, when the facts prove you wrong (as they have during this discussion), its time to change the subject. Alinsky to the end!

          • Carol Smith

            In case you haven’t notice, this article is not about the Kennedy’s, Clinton, or the Obamas. It is about the Palins.
            We are not discussing facts about other people in history, this article is about the Palins. Is that too hard to understand????

          • Pedro

            Sorry, I forgot it’s a bash anything you don’t agree with discussion. My fav quote: “We are not discussing facts about other people in history”

          • Carol Smith

            The subject of this article is the Palins. People posting here are talking about the Palin brawl, not entertaining off topic subjects that you keep bringing up.

          • Pedro

            Yes, Bash Palin. I get it now. Off topic subjects that show the hypocrisy of the left should stay ate home. Thank you Mother Jones for teaching me.

  • ORAXX

    This is clearly Obama’s fault. If he hadn’t been so uppity and ran against McCain, then Sarah would have been in Washington, doing the lord’s work. (snark)

  • Maheni

    What is wrong with these people? This is not how you should be acting no matter who you are. I love how people like this seem to think they sit on a high enough pedestal to not be caught doing something this foolish.

  • Ratcraft

    Meanwhile in America……. Might as well publish Kardashiians latest ass pic.

  • Briar

    Sarah Palin and her family needs to fly under the radar for a while. They really are turning into the Kardashians of the political world and I think they should take a break and go on an extended vacation out of the spotlight.

    • Carol Smith

      Some of the adult children might try getting an education or a
      job. Nobody in that family does anything with their lives.

      • Pedro

        Maybe they should be community organizers or vote “Present” for a month or two in the senate . . . . Oh wait, that’s our Community Organizer in Chief. Maybe they should hang out with Jeremiah Wright (God D*mn AmeriKKKa) or better yet, the Weather Underground! Or just hang out with the Choom gang. Good Call.

        • Carol Smith

          Sorry to tell you this, but Obama has done a lot more than community organizing since graduating from Harvard. He worked for two companies after graduating. He practiced law for approx. 9 years. He was a senior lecturer at Harvard while working.
          Nobody in the Palin family is educated. Sarah flitted around to five colleges before getting an easy degree in communications, and she still cannot write or form a sentence. Nobody in the family has a real job. The adult children live off Sarah, who fleeces the rubes. Track is a pothead and a drunk.

          • Pedro

            Practiced law? Cite a case he worked on (fyi, there are not any). Voted 129 times as “Present” during his freshman year as a Senator. Barry is a total pothead (Choom gang mean anything to you?). All that aside, The Palins are not in office (unlike Barry) and hence all of the issues that the US are currently facing are in Barry’s lap, not the Palins. Keep trying and blame Bush when you get depressed.

          • Carol Smith

            Obama smoked pot at one time, as do a lot of 20 year olds. He is not an adult pothead. Get your facts straight, if that is possible.
            Illinois State Senator – 13th Legislative District, Chicago. Member of the Judiciary, Public Health and Welfare, and State Government Committees.

            Senior Lecturer – University of Chicago Law School.
            Courses and seminars in constitutional law, voting rights and issues of race and the law.

            Of Counsel – Miner, Barnhill & Galland, P.C., Chicago. Specializing in civil rights litigation, real estate
            financing, acquisition, construction and/or redevelopment of low- and moderate income housing; representation of not-for-profit organizations created to promote the welfare of low- and moderate income urban communities.

            Education Harvard Law School, Cambridge,
            Massachusetts J.D. 1991, Magna Cum Laude President, Harvard Law Review
            Executive Board, Black Law Students’ Association

            Columbia University, New York, New York, Bachelor of Arts, 1983 Major: Political Science.

            Other Activities Chairman – The Chicago Annenberg Challenge, which is directing $50 million to public school reform in Chicago.

            Board of Directors – Woods Fund of Chicago, the Joyce Foundation, Leadership for Quality Education, Lawyer’s Committee for Civil Rights Under the Law, Cook County Bar Association Community Law Project.

            Participant
            – Saguaro Seminar, a two year project based at Harvard’s Kennedy School to foster increased civic engagement in American life.

            Honors

            1993 Crain’s Chicago Business “40 Under 40” Young Leader Award 1994
            Monarch Award for Outstanding Public Service. 1995 “Legal Eagle” Award from Independent Voters of Illinois for litigation leading to Illinois’ compliance with national “Motor Voter” legislation.

          • Pedro

            Thanks for not addressing any of the statements I made.
            President Obama has admitted to smoking pot many, many times btw but I would like to address his “credentials” as you listed them. Not one of them is an executive role, again look at his voting record as a senator and anyone who isn’t blind can see he follows orders from above (VJ).

          • Carol Smith

            So being a US senator and serving on many committees while serving as a senator, is not an executive role????
            When you are not the president, you follow orders from above. Get it???
            You might also try reading his resume, but I don’t think you can deal in those facts, either.
            Senatorial and Leadership appointments while senator:

            -Chairman, state foreign relations committee on European Affairs

            -Member, senate foreign relations committee
            -Member, Senate committee on health, education, labor and pensions
            -Environmental and public works committee
            -State comittee on veterans affairs
            -Partnered with Democrats and Repubs. to pass favorable legislation (education, health care, government spending, campaign finance, law enforcement.
            -Active proponent of alternative energy
            -Pioneered innovative legislative actions to protect citizens of US and foreign nations
            -Instrumental in passing Homeland Security legislation
            -Leader of government initiatives to reduce government spending and abuse.

            As an attorney fro 1993 to 2002, litigated employment discrimination, housing discrimination and voting rights cases
            Etc. Etc. Etc.

          • Pedro

            129 times voted “Present”. He’s leadership material for sure! You can cut n paste off his website all you want. 43% on food stamps! Yah Barry!
            -Member, senate foreign relations committee – Wow!-Member, Senate committee on health, education, labor and pensions – Labor Patsy!
            -Environmental and public works committee – What?
            -State comittee on veterans affairs – Vets are sooo much better thanks to Barry (Ooops, major fail)
            -Partnered with Democrats and Repubs. to pass favorable legislation (education, health care, government spending, campaign finance, law enforcement. – ACA ( Passed without one vote from the Evil Republicans . . . Let’s pass it to see what’s in it! (Pelosi).
            -Active proponent of alternative energy – Kill coal and the middle class
            -Pioneered innovative legislative actions to protect citizens of US and foreign nations – Like Ambassador Stevens! Good thing ISIS doesn’t exist
            -Instrumental in passing Homeland Security legislation – Like stopping Ebola?
            -Leader of government initiatives to reduce government spending and abuse. – $17.6 Trilling on wasted money (He has doubled it since the evil GWB left office 6 years ago).

            Did I miss anything? I’m sorry, Carol but you (and this President) have failed on so many levels.

  • Seek

    The Palins are the essence of the redneck style gone respectable. They’re Deep North rather than Deep South, but they’re rednecks all the same. Menacing bullies with transparently self-serving rationalizations.