According to anonymous sources, BU has learned that George Zimmerman and Matthew Apperson will be updating the ancient ritual of code duello this Saturday with Wayne LaPierre on hand to ensure that both parties are properly standing their ground.
Zimmerman and Apperson did not reach the accord themselves, of course. The mutual agreement to meet and “shoot it out,” including specific details of time and place as well as the name of the referee from the National Rifle Association, was reached by their seconds.
The meeting will resolve an ongoing dispute between the two men which escalated Monday afternoon when Apperson fired a .357 magnum round through the window glass of Zimmerman’s truck, leaving the killer of Trayvon Martin with injuries to the face.
Their confrontations began last year when Apperson reported being menaced by Zimmerman. Of course, Zimmerman became famous for chasing after Martin, a complete stranger who was smaller and younger than himself, when the 911 operator clearly told him not to, starting a fight, and then shooting Martin to death when he lost the fistfight, while finally escaping justice by claiming self-defense.
Fame has been kind to Zimmerman. Thanks to generous donations from NRA members who supported Florida’s ‘stand your ground’ statute, Zimmerman has been able to live on more than $3,300 a month without having to find a job.
According to Zimmerman, Apperson was following him closely, causing him to execute a u-turn to get away from his accuser. Though unconfirmed, this detail has apparently sparked a media event.
“The idea of having both men drive SUVs towards one another again and open fire has a certain medieval appeal,” an NRA spokesman told BU. “But then we thought, ‘why not monster trucks?’ And why not pay-per-view?”
After a conference call with creatives and La Pierre, both parties’ seconds also agreed the combatants will be equipped with Uzis and high-capacity magazines. The contestants are slated to circle a muddy, hill-covered dirt track taking shots at one another in passing.
“‘Ten paces’ is going to be ten laps,” said the NRA spokesman. “Our marketing guys call it the perfect marriage of NASCAR culture and gun culture. Plus, we can play up the whole misogyny angle with Zimmerman — it worked for Pacquiao and Mayweather.”
Zimmerman versus Apperson: Road Rage Warrior will take place in a coliseum fitted with bulletproof glass to protect the spectators and be simulcast on every continent for $100 per customer. Revenues are expected to exceed one billion dollars.
Poll question: which one of these guys was standing his ground?
[wpdevart_poll id=”1″ theme=”0″]