The New York Times got three pages of Donald Trump’s 1995 Tax Returns. (My guess, mailed to the Times by Tiffany Trump, the little girl daddy never loved.) It showed that Trump lost nearly a billion smackers in one year. That’s $27,340 a day, darn near. In my past, I have been a drunken sailor. So don’t tell me he spent money like a drunken sailor. A drunken sailor could not spend $27,340 a day for 365 days without an internal organ exploding.

The Times theorizes that with a business loss like that, Donald Trump could have gone without paying a farthing, not a shilling, a shekel, a drachma or red cent in Federal Taxes for nearly two decades.

And for that, he’s a genius?

Use that line of thinking, it’s dullards like the rest of us who keep the streets paved, the lights turned on, the water purified, the country protected and all that other stuff taxes are used to pay for.

Stogie Carbuncle was not amused, so he resurrected the Righteous Brothers’ hit and turned it into a protest song. Give ear, and be very angry.

SING ALONG!!!

YOU LOST A BILLION DOLLARS (FAIR USE PARODY OF “YOU’VE LOST THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”)

PARODY LYRICS BY STOGIE CARBUNCLE
MUSIC BY PHIL SPECTOR, BARRY MANN and CYNTHIA WEILL

You didn’t pay the folks that you hired to do your work
And when you’re asked about it you respond like a spoiled jerk.
You’re trying real hard to hide it (Donald)
You’ve been busted, and you haven’t denied it.

You lost a billion dollars
Almost a billion dollars
You lost a billion dollars
So you don’t… pay… tax… Noooo

Now you don’t write the checks to the folks who once worked for you
And if they want to get a red cent from you, they sue
Despite your big TV charades (Donald)
Oh, Donald, paid no taxes for decades.

You lost a billion dollars
Almost a billion dollars
You lost a billion dollars
So you don’t… pay… tax… Noooo

You expect us to get down on our knees for you
And say that you’re a genius like your lackeys do, yeah
You say you’ll fix, the tricks rich pricks all use not to pay
We don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t believe what you say

Donald (donald), Donald (Donald)
I beg of you please…please,
Release your forms (Release your forms),
Release your forms (Release your forms),
Then pay it all back (So pay it all back),
Pay it all back (so pay it all back).

Pay back what you’ve been stealin
All that dough you been stealing
Payback what you’ve been stealing
Cough up what you owe
Let the people know, woah

Pay back what you’ve been stealin
All that dough you been stealing
Payback what you’ve been stealing
Cough up what you owe…

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Having joined forces with his friend Brett Kimberlin in the complete and utter annihilation of WJJ Hoge III and his self-destructive legal machinations, your Humble Editor is devoted to his fiance, the plump and pleasant Lady Di, and #resistance to the madman in the White House, working hand-in-glove with friends and colleagues to stave off the incipient fascism facing our great republic. He enjoys an occasional top shelf bourbon.
  • William A. Ferguson

    Net loss offsets are the most arcane area of tax law – and the sign of a complete loser.