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Walker E. Coyote, Super-Genius, Enacts His Brilliant New Plan

As he said in his blog last Tuesday, Aaron Walker has filed some motions in the case of Kimberlin v Walker, et al and Kimberlin v National Bloggers Club, et al. One of these motions is over fifty pages long (PDF), and every page is a disaster, as Mr. Walker has printed his magnum opus in double-sided format. That is explicitly against the rules of the court and will undoubtedly annoy the judge. We expect his honor will be even more annoyed after reading this garbage, for Mr. Walker has repeated the same stylistic errors that dogged his previous legal efforts against Brett Kimberlin.

And that is the good news for Mr. Walker and his co-defendants, because it just gets worse from there.

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Walker’s unique style of legal writing always involves a lot of forty year-old newspaper clippings from Indiana and long historical diatribes against Kimberlin that pointedly use the words “terrorist,” “bomber,” and “perjurer.” A federal judge dismissed Walker’s federal lawsuit against Kimberlin, Neal Rauhauser, and Ron Brynaert with prejudice over a year ago, but the vexatious Mr. Walker has learned no lessons from that blistering rejection of his paranoid style.

Instead, he tries to re-litigate all his failures once again in a grand unified conspiracy theory. Re-litigating William Hoge’s failed nuisance suit, for example, Walker claims that Bill Schmalfeldt has harassed Hoge on behalf of Mr. Kimberlin. This alleged harassment consists of a comment on Hoge’s blog, posted from an IP address in Brazil, that gave poor widdle Mr. Hoge a sadz. Walker tries to re-litigate his courthouse assault on Mr. Kimberlin one more time. He even makes an effort to defend Seth Allen, who lost a libel suit to Kimberlin while following Walker’s advice.

Walker, who identifies himself to the judge in footnote 23 as a “legal scholar,” always hopes this overwhelming evidence of his own paranoia and borderline behavior will prejudice the judge against Mr. Kimberlin. But the opposite always happens because judges are smarter than Aaron Walker, and see his attempt to prejudice the court for what it is. One of these days Mr. Walker will figure out why this style never plays well with judges, but today is not that day.

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The filings contain easily-disproven lies. Assuming facts not in evidence, Walker claims that Mike Stack was blogging about Mr. Kimberlin when he was SWATed. In fact, Mr. Walker cannot prove that Mr. Stack was blogging about Kimberlin — or anyone, for that matter — because Stack did not even have a blog at the time. His web presence consisted of comments in pornography forums, and his most recent claim-to-fame was advance knowledge of the Anthony Wiener sexting scandal. Walker makes the same argument for Los Angeles Assistant District Attorney John Patrick Frey, who had not blogged about Kimberlin for five months when he was SWATed and has made contradictory claims that his blogging about Anthony Wiener was the proximate cause.

Walker does not accept his continued failures for what they are, preferring to believe that his genius has simply gone unrecognized by the legal system. But Walker may come to regret gaining its attention with double-sided printing.

We will not call Walker’s effort “silly,” because that would imply that he is entertaining when his ravings are in fact very tedious reading for the most part. His writing is tendentious to the point of religious zeal, constantly twisting plain things to mean their opposites. A new reader who is unfamiliar with the plot points of this extended drama will find Walker’s strained prose incredulous; informed readers may actually gasp at the ambition of Walker’s lying. He will never survive cross-examination on this sworn testimony.

Oh, yes: Walker has a brilliant new plan to change the game. He has moved that the court compel Kimberlin to submit all evidence through sworn statements, conveniently omitting any notice that Kimberlin’s evidence consists of the defendants’ own blog posts. Perhaps Mr. Walker submitted his double-sided documents under penalty of perjury thinking that he would impress the judge with his willingness to put everything on the line, but we expect the judge will just find this alarmingly stupid. We look forward to Walker being held accountable on this point, but whether that happens will depend on the professional litigators who are just figuring out that they have a fool for a client.

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Mr. Walker and his four co-defendants are being represented in the state defamation case by two attorneys, Mark Del Bianco and Francis Ostronic, neither of whom were party to Mr. Walker’s filing. Both of them will be asked to account for it anyway. Walker has tried to exercise leadership by claiming to represent everyone’s interests, including Kimberlin Unmasked. Walker’s filing leaves competent counsel with a dilemma: they can either move to have Walker’s novella-length screed stricken, and apologize to the court, or they can walk away from the case while there is still time to reach cover.

Either way, they should politely tell their client that he has done them no favors and ask him to please shut up. Mr. Walker has led his team into disaster; he may either follow sound professional advice now, or he may get out of the way, but anyone who follows his lead will surely suffer along with him.

We might have warned defense counsel that this was coming, as these developments are not unprecedented. Walker is his own worst enemy, and now he is theirs. He has basically admitted to practicing law without a licence in Maryland; he is not licensed to work in federal courts; he has never been a trial attorney. Walker is still licensed to practice law in Virginia, but his obsessive behavior and deluded worldview render him unemployable. While Mr. Walker is capable of focusing on his obsession for hundreds of pages, he lacks the self-discipline to keep silent even when it is in his own best interest. His brand of super-genius lawyering simply will not blend with the sane, rational kind that judges prefer.

Oh, and all that trash-talk about Acme Law? Just psychological projection. According to our sources Mr. Kimberlin has found a very competent attorney to handle the work of dismantling Mr. Walker on a witness stand. As Mr. Walker is fond of saying, “make popcorn.”

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  • http://pupsoc.com Bill Schmalfeldt

    And now, Aaron Walker says on his “blog” that he consulted with F. Patrick Ostronic and offered to write the memorandum, which implicates Ostronic in this illegal practice of law on Walker’s part. Then, he doubles down on mocking the courts and the law by writing ANOTHER “get your popcorn” ready-style post. He repeats the lie about how he lost his job, the lie about Brett falsely accusing him of a crime, the lie about Brett stalking his wife.

    HE KEEPS MAKING THINGS WORSE FOR HIMSELF AND HIS CO-DEFENDANTS!!!

    AARON! STOVE!!! HOT!!!

    NO TOUCH!!!!!!!

  • http://pupsoc.com Bill Schmalfeldt

    Thank God Walker’s not a surgeon. A doctor would diagnose appendicitis and Walker would sit up in the middle of the operation and suggest an incision in the posterior latissimus dorsi and dig through layers of muscle and bone to get to that nasty appendix without leaving a scar on his tummy. And if the doctor told him he was nuts, he’d grab the scalpel and do it himself, cutting his spinal cord.

  • http://www.osborneink.com Matt Osborne

    I liked “Aaron Stalker” a lot, but “Walker E. Coyote” is perfect.