Mr. Hoge seems to regard himself as the Sheriff of Twitter. He runs this town, by gum, and he does not put up with any highfalutin’ Big City news-man who presumes to print ribald jokes and scurrilous accusations about him or his posse.

Last Friday, William Hoge filed 36 charges against Bill Schmalfeldt with the Carroll County Sheriff’s Department. On Tuesday, he filed an additional 198, then Friday morning he filed another 88. Unsatisfied, Hoge decided to add 29 more charges Friday afternoon, bringing the total to more than three hundred criminal charges over just eight days for the “crime” of tweeting.

William Hoge also fancies himself a free speech hero.

Irony is dead to Hoge: he shot his sense of irony dead years ago, then hanged it from a gallows and let it swing in the breeze while crows ate its eyes out. Which is not to say that Mr. Hoge is not funny. Heck, he borrowed a joke from a 1990s Warner Brothers cartoon and has killed it in his blog every day for years now. Funny!

His campaign of “lawfare” against Schmalfeldt is also a joke, one that he likes to tell his posse every day. They always laugh. They cannot not laugh. He is the Sheriff, after all, and they shudder to recall what he did to his sense of irony.

Most sixgun street duels are caused by pride, and Hoge’s war is no different. He refuses to use Twitter’s “block” feature, and stop looking at Schmalfeldt’s tweets, because he reckons that a sign of weakness rather than horse sense.

Instead, he tries to follow Schmalfeldt’s accounts, which suggests that Hoge is actually very eager to see Bill’s tweets that he finds so offensive and threatening. Why does Mr. Hoge want to be offended and threatened? For the same reason that Wyatt Earp would corner armed cowboys at the OK Corral: he is looking for a fight. Hoge loves waging his one-man war on comedy in the Carroll County, Maryland justice system.

But like a gunfighter who drinks Redeye for courage, Hoge’s need for a daily outrage fix may become his undoing. At his current rate, Mr. Hoge will have filed thousands of criminal charges against Schmalfeldt by next February’s hearing. The District Attorney and Circuit Court clerk probably do not enjoy this prospect. Will Sheriff Hoge wear out his welcome with the townsfolk and be named a vexatious litigant? Will he get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court? Will he ever confess his feelings about Miss Kitty? To find out, tune in every week for…

Blogsmoke!

William J. J. Hoge, Sheriff of Twitter Town
William J. J. Hoge, Sheriff of Twitter Town
  • I invite all who are interested this riveting story to enjoy my new comic strip blog, http://breitbots.wordpress.com/.

    • What a great new experiment, Bill! We hope to see many more of these strips from you.

  • Zero

    Charming to know that Hoggy reads this blog. Of course, we’ve all known for some time that he and the other members of the rabid right wing circle jerk affectionately known as “Team Akbar” read this blog. But according to his Twitter stream, Hoggy plans some sort of rebuttal to this particular article tonight. (For which, by the way, he’s pinched the top graphic- It’s OK when he does it.) Yawn. Should be enthralling.

    • Zero

      And to no one’s surprise, Hoggy’s spoof of Blogsmoke is lame and uninspired. Even some of his normally sycophantic commenters seemed disappointed. Not to be deterred, Hoggy is now planning a series.

      • Not only was it lame and uninspired, it was actually creepy. He called this post “ironic” and then proved for the thousandth time that he doesn’t understand irony at all.

  • RogerS

    Hoge is about to be hog tied. I used to work in the prosecutors office and I will put on my prosecutor’s hat for a minute. We have real crimes and real victims to deal with on a daily basis. Citizen complaints never result in prosecution unless there is physical harm. We have screeners to weed out the crappy citizen complaints. If someone brings multiple complaints against a particular person, we see it for what it is — a harassment campaign. We do not get involved with personal wars.

    I wonder what Patrick Frey would say if he was assigned 350 criminal charges filed against someone for tweeting. I can bet that even Frey would pull out the nolle pros stamp without even interviewing the complainant.

    Hoge is his own worst enemy. He has demonstrated to the prosecutor that he is an obsessive stalker. He has shown conservatives such as Popehat, that he is a nut using the courts to silence his critics.

    Hoge is vexatious and litigious. He will be dealt with by the system because the system will not tolerate his abuses.

    The reason Hoge does not want Schmalfeldt’s @mentions is that Hoge doesn’t want his readers to hear what Schmalfeldt has to say.

    Hoge is about to lose big time.

    When I was working in the prosecutor’s office, we had this very good looking female intern named Romina who helped with the screening of citizen complaints. One day, I noticed a paper airplane flying through the doorway of my office. She came running in after it red faced and apologetic. I asked what was going on and she said, “I got bored and so I started making copies of the most frivolous of the citizen complaints and making them into paper airplanes that I would aim at the trash can across the room.”

    When I hear that Hoge filed more than 300 citizen complaints against Schmalfeldt, I think about lovely Romina, and envision her throwing so many paper airplanes that the entire room gets filled up, and then the chief judge comes in to the office and flips out, until he hears that they are all of Hoge’s wasted papers. Then he says, “We need a bigger trash can!!!”