No more Oreos!
No more Oreos!

This communique is not so much directed at the billions and billions of loyal supporters of our dear leader Donald Trump as it is to those who believe they are innocently purchasing products from companies that use their profits to THWART the Dear Leader his efforts to make America great again.

These are the people I speak of when I say, lazy, corrupt, unpatriotic enemies of the state.

Planning a delicious meal of chicken or hamburger, perhaps even pizza to be delivered by GrubHub? TRAITOR! Matt Maloney the CEO of GrubHub and Seamless sent an all staff memo last Wednesday calling for the resignation of his own employees who believe in the message of the dear leader Trump. These his words of treason.

I absolutely reject the nationalist, Anti-immigrant and hateful policies of Donald Trump… If you do not agree with the statement then please reply to this email with your resignation.

We suggest Mr. Maloney report to the nearest police district for relocation to a Trumpification Education camp to be inculcated into the new order of thinking.

And while you’re at it, put down that Pepsi-Cola. Pepsico CEO Indra Nooyui mentioned that many of her employees were concerned by our Dear Leader’s clearly-stated platform of intolerance. She made these remarks last week at the traitorous New York Times DealBook conference, where YouTube videos of the event have been flooded with hateful comments. Therefore, if you are a loyal American, no more Pepsi, no more Mountain Dew for you.

SAFE... for Now!
SAFE… for Now!

And is not just Pepsi you are forbidden to consume. Pepsico create hundreds of products, such as Lipton tea, Mug root beer, Gatorade, Lays and Ruffles potato chips, Cheetos, Doritos, Rice-a-Roni, (which will no longer be referred to as a San Francisco treat. It is food for traitors.)

Big, wet, kissy smooches to our operatives at Reddit, who have created an official list of products you must boycott. These include Macy’s, Time Warner, Amazon, ConAgra, Comcast, Netflix, Starbucks, Dell, and Oreo (although not the parent company Nabisco for some reason).

For these and other reasons, come January 20, 2017, these products and services will be officially outlawed under the new flag of the United States of Trumpsylvania. This is a partial list and maybe added to our deleted from time to time at will.

Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, YouTube, Tinder, Instagram, LinkedIn, Netflix, Google, Apple, Dell, Seagate, Samsung, Expedia, Flickr, StubHub, Dropbox, Yelp, TaskRabbit (whatever the hell that is), Asana, Slack, eBay, AT&T and DirecTV, Comcast with NBC, Xfinity and DreamWorks, Ford, GrubHub/Seamless, Oreos, ConAgra products, and of course Pepsico products.

Those who violate this official boycott after January 20, 2017, will be subject to torture.

I am Omarosa, the beautiful ebony spokesperson for the Dear Leader, Donald J Trump.

End communication.