No more Oreos!
No more Oreos!

This communique is not so much directed at the billions and billions of loyal supporters of our dear leader Donald Trump as it is to those who believe they are innocently purchasing products from companies that use their profits to THWART the Dear Leader his efforts to make America great again.

These are the people I speak of when I say, lazy, corrupt, unpatriotic enemies of the state.

Planning a delicious meal of chicken or hamburger, perhaps even pizza to be delivered by GrubHub? TRAITOR! Matt Maloney the CEO of GrubHub and Seamless sent an all staff memo last Wednesday calling for the resignation of his own employees who believe in the message of the dear leader Trump. These his words of treason.

I absolutely reject the nationalist, Anti-immigrant and hateful policies of Donald Trump… If you do not agree with the statement then please reply to this email with your resignation.

We suggest Mr. Maloney report to the nearest police district for relocation to a Trumpification Education camp to be inculcated into the new order of thinking.

And while you’re at it, put down that Pepsi-Cola. Pepsico CEO Indra Nooyui mentioned that many of her employees were concerned by our Dear Leader’s clearly-stated platform of intolerance. She made these remarks last week at the traitorous New York Times DealBook conference, where YouTube videos of the event have been flooded with hateful comments. Therefore, if you are a loyal American, no more Pepsi, no more Mountain Dew for you.

SAFE... for Now!
SAFE… for Now!

And is not just Pepsi you are forbidden to consume. Pepsico create hundreds of products, such as Lipton tea, Mug root beer, Gatorade, Lays and Ruffles potato chips, Cheetos, Doritos, Rice-a-Roni, (which will no longer be referred to as a San Francisco treat. It is food for traitors.)

Big, wet, kissy smooches to our operatives at Reddit, who have created an official list of products you must boycott. These include Macy’s, Time Warner, Amazon, ConAgra, Comcast, Netflix, Starbucks, Dell, and Oreo (although not the parent company Nabisco for some reason).

For these and other reasons, come January 20, 2017, these products and services will be officially outlawed under the new flag of the United States of Trumpsylvania. This is a partial list and maybe added to our deleted from time to time at will.

Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, YouTube, Tinder, Instagram, LinkedIn, Netflix, Google, Apple, Dell, Seagate, Samsung, Expedia, Flickr, StubHub, Dropbox, Yelp, TaskRabbit (whatever the hell that is), Asana, Slack, eBay, AT&T and DirecTV, Comcast with NBC, Xfinity and DreamWorks, Ford, GrubHub/Seamless, Oreos, ConAgra products, and of course Pepsico products.

Those who violate this official boycott after January 20, 2017, will be subject to torture.

I am Omarosa, the beautiful ebony spokesperson for the Dear Leader, Donald J Trump.

End communication.

  • i’mjustaskingthequestion

    No social media, which is irrelevant because we can’t have computers or phones, and with Pepsi out of the picture, half my diet is now toast. I’m going to waste away to nothing…

    …much like the rest of the country under trump unless we fight.

  • Disqus

    WILLIAM M. SCHMALFELDT, SR. is my HERO! I love this guy.

  • tfleiter

    ….are you aware that your “Omarosa” comment and the picture with your “Oreo” comment are not satire…but sexist and racist? Seems to be like in other countries: the very far right and the very far left do not differ that much…..
    But – If you want to be effective against the “breitbart” community: go to the website and voice your opinion…it is simply necessary to oppose the folks there at the source.

    • King Leonidas

      Uh, Trump supporters are boycotting Oreos. The Omarosa picture is racist or sexist, why? We have our own website and, if it’s OK with you, we’ll voice our opinions here.

      • tfleiter

        Not the picture – the comment is. The “…..beautiful ebony spokesperson…..” in the context of cynical listing of “not wanted” products is connecting that to two things “beautiful” (meaning = stupid) and “ebony” (meaning = stupid). it would have been ok to call Omarosa out for her statements – but no: her beauty and her skin color had to be the target. Well – that is racist and sexist in my “playbook” – sorry.

        • King Leonidas

          So, we’ve changed the word “beautiful” to mean “stupid.” And we’ve changed the word “ebony” to mean “stupid.” It’s a stretch, but it’s your conception we’re discussing here. Trump is holding an Oreo cookie because Oreos are being boycotted by Trump supporters… but that’s racist to mention? Any other words you feel like changing before the official Trump-approved Lexicon is issued?

          • tfleiter

            Hahaha – just want to make that you can not do yourself what you are trying to criticize. i assumed that you are aware of the slang use of ‘oreo’ – but maybe you are not. Here is a definition for you:
            noun, plural Oreos. Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. 1. a black person who is regarded as having adopted the attitudes, values, and behavior thought to be characteristic of middle-class white society, often at the expense of his or her own heritage.
            Be assured that I have nothing in common with the Trump Fans – except living in the same country.