Your Jovial Editor Took a Road Trip Today!

I don’t know why it’s important to anybody. I certainly do not need to explain my reasoning for getting a driver’s license and a good old fashioned “beater with a heater.” But yes, as you saw from the photo Patrick Grady posted on his website when he drove through our parking lot on a muggy, rainy day in Saint Francis (and thank the Lord for parking lot surveillance cameras), I do, in fact, own a rust bucket for getting around town.

For longer trips, like the one I took today, I rent cars,

And I learned lots of stuff on my trip today.

For instance, Patrick Grady does not have a valid stalking no-contact order on me. Never did. Law enforcement computers do not lie.

Second, I learned about some BAD things.

You know what’s BAD?

Using a person’s social security number to get access to information that you are not entitled to have.

That’s BAD!

Patrick Grady is not entitled to have my Drivers’ License number. He used an ill-gotten copy of my SSN to secure information he is not entitled to.

And guess what?

The State of Illinois calls that “Aggravated Identity Theft” because it was done to a person older than 60, with a disability.

In Illinois, they call that a Class 2 Felony.

Stalking, like driving through my parking lot to get a picture of my car? That’s a Class 4 felony.


Oh, BTW… the entries about me in Encyclopedia Dramatica? The copy I saved of Purloined Parody Productions? And every page of your fecund website, Patrick? To be gone over with a fine toothed comb.

Don’t wanna miss anything.

But… Wow. Up to 10 years in PRISON? Just to prove I have a CAR? Anyone who assisted you in stealing my SSN will also be “looked at very carefully.”

But I just gotta say…

That’s dedication to a bit, Patrick.

Oh, tomorrow I’m getting contact lenses. Or is that TMI?


  • Crime Doesn’t Pay

    It is unreal that these lunatics care if you have a car or use something to get to the store with. But accessing DMV databases using your info, Yeah, that could leave a few marks. Good luck catching these criminals Bill. Looking forward to new shows. Hope you will have time for that soon.

  • William A. Ferguson


    Well, he finally stepped in it.

  • Mark in MD

    WOW! Patrick Grady is a nut job. The police and the courts should absolutely protect an elderly disabled person from this bipolar whack job. Stay safe, Bill.

  • Patrick Grady is melting down. It seems very important, for some reason, for him to be right about my having a car. From his latest post:

    “Didn’t I just say that?

    See, unlike Your Jovial DUMBFUCK, I deal in facts, not fakery. Truth, not forgeries.

    I knew. I had my sources. I had my information, and I had my confirmation.

    Confirmation that Bill Schmalfeldt is, and ever has been, a lying piece of shit.

    There is one thing I don’t understand, though.

    If there is no valid stalking/no contact order, as the proven liar
    says, if there never was a valid stalking/no contact order as the vile
    fabulist maintains, and if I really am Patrick Grady as the LYING FUCK
    simply cannot seem to decide for sure: “Dave, who is Paul Krendler?”…


    Then shouldn’t “I” have gotten a phone call or an email by now?


    Or is the liar just lying some more?

    Place your bets.”

    I’m thinking Mr. Grady needs to be more concerned with explaining why he used my social security number to get my Drivers License Number, and then why he drove the 70-odd miles up to St. Francis to take a picture of my car.

    That’s the question the Palatine cops will want him to answer.

    • William A. Ferguson

      Well if he’s not Patrick Grady I wonder if he’s going to man up for all the problems he’s causing Grady.

      No, seriously…stop laughing.