With the return of Dread Pirate Cap’n Steven K. Bannon, all assumed it would be fair winds and following seas aboard the SS Breitbart, dreadnought of the white supremacist seas.

Meh. Not so much.

Cap’n Bannon was scarcely ensconced into his berth when the ship was waylaid by a jolly prankster, who fooled several of the Cap’n’s mateys into thinking they were exchanging flag signals with the Dread Pirate himself. And what they revealed is their desire to tell any lie, dredge up any filthy rumor, and sink any ship of state that interferes with their rape and pillaging of our democracy.

As Raw Story puts it, “An email prankster who previously tricked multiple White House officials into thinking he was other members of the Donald Trump administration recently targeted the conservative news site Breitbart, engaging in conversations with top editors about doing Steve Bannon’s “dirty work” against his enemies, CNN reports.”

Chief among the flotsam and jetsam of “dirty work” the buccaneer crew was a promise to promulgate the rumor that Ivanka Trump was being harpooned by another whaler while Cabin Boy Kushner held his peacoat.

A fake Bannon sent multiple emails with Breitbart editor-in-chief Alex Marlow, including one where he mulled over “bringing forth my wrath on Ivanka and Jared.”

“I’d be doing this great nation a service if I did,” fake-Bannon wrote.

In his reply Marlow promised Bannon he “spooked em today,” explaining his staff “did five stories on globalist takeover positioning you as only hope to stop it.” Marlow also suggested he could have Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner and daughter-in-law Ivanka Trump out of the White House by years end, and told the fake-Bannon the “best conspiracy on the whole internet is Jared is an actual cuckhold.”

For the pure-minded reader, a cuckhold (more commonly, “cuckold”) is a husband who watches as his wife engages in sexual intercourse with other men.

According to Gizmodo, the fun didn’t stop there.

As @SINON_REBORN has a penchant for ramping up the weirdness once his targets are hooked, the prankster then shared a ridiculously fake anecdote about President Trump: “Did I ever tell you Donald has red wine decanted through Melania’s used pantihoes? … to catch the silt. That goes no further than us! he told me late one night after he’d unwound with too large a Scotch.”

“This makes more sense to me then you think” the editor-in-chief responded, even though Trump is famously sober. “When the best looking dude in my high school (who went on to play for the Yaknees) defended R Kelly pissing on chicks to me, I knew certain people at certain stature played by different rules. Chasing dragons normal people never even consider…”

Avast, me jolly lads! There be weevils in the crew’s hardtack!


By The Portly Pundit

After four months in the belly of the right wing media beast, and after a full four days of hot showering, everyone's favorite Portly Pundit is once again weaving tales of progressive pulchritude on Breitbart Unmasked.

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