Former Navy SEAL Chris Heben claims that three black men took the time to express their racism before shooting him, but then ran away in terror of his amazing biceps. Heben is undoubtedly lying about all this — and there is nothing about his lie that is not racist, inflammatory, unjust, and unbecoming of a military hero.

I’ve seen special forces guys blend into the background with superb skill, but the ability to get shot in a parking lot without any of the many surveillance cameras at the business in question recording a single pixel of the supposed assault? That’s nothing less than a miraculous, god-like display of power.

The only way for Chris Heben to not be a lying racist scumbag is if he’s a magician. Making yourself and three attackers invisible is a much better trick than David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear. Either he’s Merlin or he’s insulting our intelligence.

Of course, Heben’s brother Thomas was recently exposed as a fake special forces veteran. Although there is no proof the two events are connected, it is interesting that Chris invented his post-Ferguson story about invisible black assailants just two months later.

Since he was charged by Ohio police for making a false report, Heben has changed his story, telling birther website World Net Daily that the shooting was an Al-Qaeda operation — presumably involving a new breed of invisible terrorists.

Of course, Heben has opinions about Benghazi, too. They all involve the visible threat of ‘President Hillary Clinton’ in January 2017; those ideas should be considered exactly as credible as his story about getting shot by invisible racist black people.

While he has yet to reappear on Fox News, Heben is still posting patriotic drivel at his Facebook page, so we should expect him to return before the cameras at some point to try making his self-evident falsehoods disappear.

scumbagchrisheben

 

  • muselet

    … Heben has changed his story, telling birther website World Net Daily that the shooting was an Al-Qaeda operation — presumably involving a new breed of invisible terrorists.

    Oh noes! Al-Qaeda is using ninjas! *rolls eyes, walks away shaking head*

    –alopecia