A group of Republican contenders are battling for power in a No-Mercy Cage Match for the 2016 GOP Presidential nomination!  James Rustad breaks down the parallels between the best quotes from the Season 5 Game of Thrones season premiere (spoiler alert) and the GOP contestants in his new column, “Game of GOP Thrones: The Wars To Come.”

“You’re a man of action aren’t you? When it occurs to you to do something you do it, never mind the consequences.”

The first three contenders out of the gate, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky, and Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, eagerly and impulsively signed a letter to Iran declaring that if a Republican president were to be elected in 2016, they would not be obligated to honor any agreement negotiated by President Obama.  Roadblocking diplomacy and sabotaging our country, these three Senators, as part of the infamous “47 Traitors” (led by Senator Tom Cotton, Republican from Arkansas) wrote Iran a letter:


“I still don’t see why I had to stay in this f—ing crate once we set sail.”

Governor Chris Christie, who as recently as New Year’s Day 2014 was viewed as an elite 2016 presidential candidate, has been stuck in the proverbial crate as his competitors in the GOP field have surged ahead in the polls.  With the Bridgegate scandal, and allegations of misuse of Port Authority and Hurricane Sandy Relief funds, it seems that Christie has no hope for the presidency. Instead, he will likely be hosting his own “Fox Cable Show” in the near future:


“The future is s–t, just like the past.”

Florida Senator Marco Rubio began his presidential run in Miami on Monday with the theme “yesterday is over.”  Rubio pledged to lead the United States into a “new American Century” of prosperity. Marco is a “climate change denier,” particularly disturbing given the threat represented by rising tides and receding shorelines caused by climate change to his home of South Florida. With Marco Rubio at the helm, we will all be living in a “Full Metal Jacket”-esque “World Of S–t.” I am personally not drinking the Marco Rubio “Kool-Aid,” nor the Bottled Water:


“He has other gifts, the gift of a great name. Sometimes that’s all one needs.”

Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush is actively exploring a bid for the GOP presidential nomination in 2016. The International Business Times reported today that Jeb Bush’s administration steered Florida pension money to fundraisers for his brother’s presidential campaign, which interestingly enough gives Jeb a built-in fundraising base for his own presidential campaign. As a graduate of Phillips Academy in Andover (Massachusetts), he is a charter member of the “Silver Spoons” club (with apologies to Ricky Schroder). He is also son of President George H.W. Bush. Despite his distinctly WASP-y pedigree, Jeb strangely listed himself as Hispanic on a voter registration application in 2009 in Miami-Dade County:


“Your father was a force to be reckoned with.  I wouldn’t presume to claim to have known him as such, but just being in his presence was enough to make it so clear just how formidable a person you were dealing with, what a force to be reckoned with.”

Senator Ron Paul of Texas was a libertarian hero, but his son Rand Paul has proven to be a wishy-washy zero.  Ironically, Rand Paul unveiled his presidential campaign with the anti-establishment slogan “Defeat the Washington Machine” in front of a giant decommissioned American aircraft carrier. He also has been known to hang out with noted conspiracy theorist Alex Jones:


“The powerful have always preyed on the powerless; that’s how they became powerful in the first place.”

“Right to work” loving, union-busting, and Koch-fed Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin thinks that if he can take on 100,000 protestors (i.e., American teachers and fire-fighters), he can do the same across the world:


“I do not respect the tradition of human cockfighting.”

Former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina recently said that there was a “higher than 90 percent” chance that she would become a Republican presidential candidate. She also said that she could improve the economy by cutting federal worker pay because they were “watching porn all day.” Clearly, “Porn in the USA” is a bigger threat to the nation than we had once thought:


“A drunken dwarf will never be the savior of the Seven Kingdoms.”

Last, but definitely least is Texas Senator Ted Cruz. Obstruction is the name of the game in Ted’s world, where nice guys get sent away because they are not extreme. There’s been zero compromising in his twisted little horizon:






By James Rustad

James Rustad is a songwriter/vocalist/guitarist based in the Tampa Bay (Florida) area. His political satire music has been featured in Breitbart Unmasked, The Washington Post, Seattle PI, Alaska Dispatch, Firebrand Progressives, Politicalgates, Inquisitr, AmandaCoyne.com, The Bergen Record, Air Occupy, and other top publications and media outlets. Check out www.jamesrustad.com for more catchy tunes, follow James on Twitter @jamesrustadsong, and like jamesrustadmusic on Facebook!

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